Why can't I be Smart?

I thought that the only reason I wasn't an Amazing rider was lack of time and commitment. And all I had to do to become Amazing was quit my job, clean out my savings and ride horses all day long. While this has improved my riding, I should have had a realistic definition of what "Amazing" was prior to starting out on this journey. Is Amazing riding at Training Level this season? Is it jumping ditches without landing in them? Is Amazing winning ribbons? What is Amazing, really?

At some point in my life I had been taught that goals should be SMART.

But I seemed to have forgotten that when I loaded my horses into the trailer to come to Polestar. After two months here, I wasn't feeling any closer to being Amazing than when I started. Two months may not seem like a lot of time to be expecting dramatic results, but when you are living on credit cards and borrowed time it's hard to be patient. Meika was even regretting not establishing a penalty for falling off because by now I would owe her at least a dozen bottles of wine or a thousand push-ups. I was beginning to think I should switch from eventing to vaulting as I seem to spend more time catapulting off horses than riding them.

Making my young horse Amazing is also taking longer than I thought (see Is it worth it?). Having a green horse with a "dramatic" personality has been humbling. I have had to revise and lower my expectations. Instead of trying to achieve a certain level by a certain date, I am working to improve my relationship with my horse. I am trying to understand his thresholds so that I can finesse him towards them without pushing him over. It seems Amazing for Phaolan at this point is finishing a session without a full blown violent temper tantrum.  But trotting over poles and working on ground manners doesn't feel like the education I was hoping to receive as a working student.

So instead of reveling in frustration, I decided to look back at pictures of me jumping two years ago to remind me that I AM learning and improving and getting to closer to someday... maybe... being Amazing.

Not Amazing!
bless her heart, that mare learned to jump despite me...

Once I could see see that I was making progress I was ready to admit that becoming Amazing wasn't a smart goal.  Neither is aspiring to compete at Training level this season when my "trained" horse is currently lame and my young horse is feral. So here is my list of specific, measurable, action-oriented, relevant goals I hope to accomplish while I am at Polestar:

Achieve a stronger lower leg by trotting in two point for 10 minutes 4x/week
Make sure Phena's rehab goes smoothly so that she is jumping again by November
Audit or attend at least one dressage lesson per week
Zero tolerance for sloppy transitions by focusing on maintaining energy into the bridle.
Improve Phaolan's tolerance of pressure.
Notice the small improvements by watching video of myself riding
Gain confidence with ditches (my Achilles heel) by riding a schooled horse over BN ditches.

So if I follow my own smart goals, then one day I can say:

 I got

and