Reservations and Resolutions

My biggest reservation about living in Hawaii is that I no longer have the access to facilities, trainers, courses and clinics that I had on the mainland. Here I am responsible for my own education and the education of my animals.  These past few months I had been caught up  worrying that I didn’t learn enough from Meika at Polestar, from Connie at Windfall or from John at Aspen... that I’m not good enough to bring along my young horses. Recently though I have been trying to focus on what I did learn and how my foundation is so much stronger than it was one year ago.

My time as a working student may not have been sufficient to transform me into great rider but at least now I am able to say: “Ok, I know what I did wrong and what I should do to fix it.” Instead of my usual outburst “Holy $^&! What the ^&%$ happened?!” 

       I now have a repertoire of exercises in my proverbial toolbox. I know what is my responsibility as the rider and what is expected of my horse. I finally get it that it is not my job to jump the fence! 

        I now know I can micromanage through the corners and the approach but not at take-off. Now I know the difference between riding backwards to a fence versus balancing and compressing the stride to give my horse more options for take off. I know how to ride with my elbows at my side without leaning forward or lengthening my reins. I know how to accept the smallest of tries. I know how to recognize if my horse is not light, balanced and straight. While this all may seem basic, overlooking theses details is what made me such an average rider for so many years. 

And I now know it is ok for me to be wrong. Sometimes.  I have been so afraid of being wrong that I have been wishy-washy. It is better to demand a certain distance and commit to a bad idea, than confuse the horse by bailing out, throwing the reins away and taking my leg off. 

I now know how to warm up a horse. Duh! But seriously. I used to warm up by walking, then long trotting, then circling, then cantering one lap each direction. Brainless. I didn’t supple my horse at all. Now I spend at least 20 minutes in the walk, working my horse off my seat bones, stretching their rib cages, swinging their hips, relaxing mine, practicing half halt without touching the reins. 

I still get confused with my aids for lateral work and that will just require homework and reading. I have a lot of catching up to do with my dressage. I still need to reference books and back issues of Practical Horseman to set up my own grid work.  I still need eyes on the ground. I just don't need someone every moment of every ride anymore. 

I know a lot more about myself now. I am kind and fair most of the time so I can trust myself to push my horses. I also know to get off and take a walk when I feel like I have hit a wall because it turns out I am a tea kettle that takes awhile to heat up but even longer to cool down. 

While I may not have won any ribbons during my stay at Polestar, I did receive a compliment from Meika that I will always remember. My fellow working student had suffered an injury that prohibited her from competing on her green mare at the Aspen Horse Trial. As she had already paid her entry fees, she asked me to catch-ride her mare. During our warm up, I tried to get to know the mare gradually and build her confidence in the predictably crowded warm-up arena. She had never been to a show and was excusably nervous. I took my time and presented her with jumps that would not overface her. We circled and walked and rubber necked and trotted Xs and got huge pats and praise. I did everything I could in that ring to make her understand we were a team, even if just for the day. When I was leaving Polestar Meika commented what a great job I had done with that mare that day. No, we didn’t win, but I helped her have a positive show experience that is so important to a young horse. I was so proud. That’s the kind of rider I want to be. That’s the kind of rider that will bring along my young horses.

I may not get it right every time and that’s ok because now I have friends and professionals to call up when I am out of ideas. Meika has said I can send her videos of me riding and she will offer critique digitally. Not the same as real time but it is a start. And I’m pretty sure I can rope a few trainers into a free week in Hawaii when the weather turns gray in the Northwest. 

My goals of riding Preliminary are on the shelf for now. I have a pregnant mare and a two year old and I live in Hawaii where Eventing is barely club level. But the great thing about horses is that riding is only the icing on the cake. I love being with my horses. I love breathing my horses. While I may not be jumping big fences any time soon, I will be having fun. 
      My resolutions this year reflect my new found confidence and satisfaction with where I am as a rider. In 2014 I intend to put my agenda aside, cut myself some slack, follow Miznah's lead and just have fun.