Don't take it personally

I am always riding "yesterday's" horse. Yesterday my horse was hot and needed more aids. Today he is soft but I am still expecting him to squirt out from under me so I open up my hip and land off the fence pulling back. Meika tells me to give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him to actually make the mistake before I punish him for it.

Well that makes sense. So why can't I realize today he is not the same horse as yesterday and ride accordingly? Why does someone always have to point out the obvious for me? Why do I have to be such an amateur?

I make the same mistakes of judgement on the ground that I do on their backs. I mistakenly assume my horse will react the same way each time and then I am surprised and frustrated when she doesn't. Since my mare pulled her suspensory, she has been on stall rest and hand walking. While I know stall rest and Thoroughbreds are not like peanut butter and jelly, I was unprepared for the dramatic change in my horses's behavior on arrival to Polestar.

She had been handling her rehab quite contently at home and since she is accustomed to going to new places all the time I thought she would handle this change without much fanfare. I was wrong. A few tubes of Gastrogard later, she is less of an anorectic tweaker but she is definitely not the same horse I put in the trailer in Portland.

I wanted this experience at Polestar to prove she was "the" shit. Instead she is acting like "a" shit. I wanted to unload her at the farm, pull off her blanket to reveal her shiny rippling muscles and have everyone "Oohhh" and "Ahhh." I wanted Meika to fall in love with her and tell me how incredible she will be. Instead stall rest has made her furry, flabby and freaky. I am struggling with being embarrassed, angry and confused with how she is acting. And I know she is not behaving this way on purpose. She is just reacting to her environment and her stomach pH. Why can't I react and then adapt as quickly?

I am accustomed to her being moody. I empathize with her varying work ethic and attitude that hinges on fluctuating estrogen and glucose levels. It is actually one of the reasons I like mares so much. While they can be difficult and opinionated and sensitive, they give more of themselves than geldings when they trust you.  I perceive this connection I have with my mare as friendship.

art by Sascalia

So when that flock of geese took flight our first day here, I thought my presence and our bond would temper the emotional storm inside her. But while my horse may be MY best friend, I need to learn that I am, in fact, not hers. At best I am another mid-tier member of the herd; not her leader, her ally or her guru. Instead I was merely the anchor she drug back to the barn as she sought solace with the new "best friends" she had just met.
And that hurt my feelings. How childish of me.

And I worry this is why I may never be a great rider. Because I take everything too personally and allow my emotions to affect my riding. I need to find that balance of caring passionately about something but maintaining a level of perspective and rationality. I know Meika loves her horses. You can see it clearly in the way she rides and handles them. But she is able to recognize what horse she is riding at each moment and react without taking offense. Or at least it appears that way.

Danny's First Impression

This picture pretty much sums up our first day... 

Of course once I decided to quit my job and embark on this working student adventure, my horse went lame.

Connie Tuor of Windfall Training Stables was nice enough to loan me her young up-and-coming Thoroughbred gelding "Danny" so that I would have a project up here at Polestar. I had only ridden Danny a handful of times prior to bringing him up here and on those few occasions we had had moments of brilliance interspersed with chaos.  Needless to say I needed to figure him out.

At home Danny was a busy boy putting everything in his mouth and rubbernecking every which way.

At Polestar, Danny's busy mind was blown.

Apparently traveling with a complete stranger and her irritable mare in a tacky faded blue 1988 straight load trailer in the pouring rain was unexpected, unappreciated and humiliating for Danny. Both horses seemed content until we hit the resonance frequency of a bumper pull trailer on the washboarded road between Tacoma and Seattle. Two ponies, two bales of hay, two Dobermans and all the memorabilia of my previous life bounced and shook so badly I pulled over thinking I had a flat. Nope, just a really crummy road. After 30 miles of this, Danny had decided he was opposed to this new adventure and was hell bent on holding it against me the next time I climbed on his back.
And boy did he! We spent the entire first lesson on two legs. I stayed on out of sheer lack of health insurance.

But by day three, Meika no longer looked incredulous when I insisted Danny had potential in addition to attitude. Today we got to jump in the outdoor arena (since the sky finally stopped pouring, sleeting, snowing and otherwise being a pain in my #$%). And yes... Danny CAN jump!! He is so much fun but I have to be two steps ahead of him the entire time and stick to my guns every step of the way. I also have to stop being afraid of pissing him off. Meika volunteered to get on and piss him off for me but I am going to try to handle this punk myself for a few more rides.

I know Danny is a good boy. He is that kid in a crowded classroom with the above average IQ who is bored and acts up to get attention, good or bad. I won't be that teacher who misunderstands and stifles genius. But that doesn't mean that Danny won't get sent to detention once and awhile.

Arrival at Polestar Farm

After 8 years of practicing medicine, I was tired...

So I decided to take a sabbatical from veterinary medicine to spend some time with my own horses and improve my riding skills. Despite being 15 years older than the typical working student, I was lucky enough to get a position with eventer Meika Decher of Polestar Farm in Lake Stevens, WA. 
Meika looked past my crowsfeet and saw the hardworking young girl who had dreamed of a life galloping horses across fields and jumping anything that got in her way. 

Nope, not me! This is Meika!!!

So after a few antacids, I gave up a great job, put my life in storage, said a temporary goodbye to the love of my life and drove north to Polestar. 

(Derek, BTW, has headed south to Sacramento for two months to the Pacific Coast Horseshoeing School. He was tired of listening to me whine when my horse lost a shoe and I missed a day to ride). 





I arrived in Lake Stevens to find 400 acres, two incredible barns, 30 horses and a handful of wonderful people.

Meika

fellow working student Karen King

So "why become a working student?" you ask....

While I have been riding for 23 years, I have never had the opportunity to ride a really well trained performance horse. I have never really known if when my horse does not execute the precise movement I wanted if it was me or him that failed. Did he hear me correctly but ignored me, so I need to ask louder and expect more cooperation? Did he hear me but not understand me so I need to ask clearer? Am I speaking in tongues to him and I need to start his training over completely. 

Riding "Taukalot aka Taco" today gave me my first glimpse of what riding should feel like when done well. If I was not precise with my expectations and communication, he gave me exactly what I requested - sloppy sidepass, lurching canter transition, pogo-stick trot... But when I got my act together I experienced what loft, spring, swinging through the back, lightness, collection, compression and extension felt like. And it felt wonderful. Here is what I am striving for. This is what it is supposed to feel like. Having the opportunity to ride an upper level horse like Taco with Meika riding beside me coaching is life changing. I hope after three months of these sessions, I will have lost much of the hesitation and uncertainty I have when riding my own horses. I want to be fair to them and as gentle as needed but I also what them to excel. I need to know what to expect and how to ask for it. Riding green horses my whole life has given me light hands and seat, a velcro butt when needed (see notes on first day on Danny at Polestar) and a humble attitude, but riding accomplished horses with an internationally respected trainer by my side will give me so much more. 

Danny and Saphena tucked in at Polestar